At my last doctor's appointment, I was told that I'd be able to go back to work. I'm feeling really good, and almost at four weeks post-op, so I've been in job search mode. I've applied for some para jobs at District 6, and had an interview on Wednesday. I can't tell you how happy I would be if it came through for me.

I want to start running again. I tried to do a "trial" run around my garage, and I think I should wait another week or so. Exercise gives me a feeling I can't get anywhere else.

Andres and I have made a deal with each other: if we have a steady source of income, we can get a dog. I want one so bad, and although I hate waiting I know it's the responsible thing to do for now.

I'm getting the travel bug again, but I know that traveling requires 1) Money and 2) Well, mostly money. We don't have a lot of that to spend right now, but this is my list of places I want to go in the next four to five years:

India
China
Japan
Korea
Africa
South America
Egypt

It might sound ambitious, but it's my dream. We have some airline vouchers we got as a wedding present, and we might spend them on a trip to Texas in March.

I met with an adviser at UNC, and she told me exactly what I need to register for. Next year at this time, I'll be applying to grad school for speech language pathology. I don't feel so bad about having to put school off; I would have finished with the leveling program in May 2010 even if I had started this semester. Nevertheless, I'm going to take some summer classes to get a few out of the way.

Finally, I just have to say how wonderful it feels to be able to do things. So much of my spirit was taken away when I was ill and had to stay inside. I was surly towards Andres and depressed, but now I feel alive again. I hope I never take health for granted again.

I would really like to know what the executives of these companies receiving multimillion dollar bailouts are thinking when they buy $1,000 trash cans or $13,000 rugs for their private jets.

"I've worked hard, I deserve it."

"#$%* them all!"

"Suckers! HAHAHAHA!"

"What they don't know can't hurt them . . . "

"The kids get carsick in the Maserati. Best take the 747."

I'd really love to know.

The following is from an article by NY Times columnist Maureen Dowd.

Companies that have gotten bailouts continue to make a mockery of taxpayers.

Until it came to light Tuesday, Wells Fargo, which received $25 billion in federal funds, was blithely planning a series of “employee recognition outings” to Las Vegas luxury hotels this month.

As ABC reported, Bank of America took its $45 billion in bailout funds and sponsored a five-day carnival outside the Super Bowl stadium, and Morgan Stanley took its $10 billion in bailout money and held a three-day conference at the Breakers in Palm Beach. (Morgan Stanley had also still planned to send top employees to Monte Carlo and the Bahamas, events just canceled.)

The New York Post revealed that Sandy Weill, former chief executive of Citigroup, took a company jet to fly his family for a Christmas holiday to a $12,000-a-night luxury resort in San José del Cabo, Mexico. No matter that the company just got a $50 billion federal bailout and laid off 53,000 worldwide.

The interior of the 18-seat jet, as described by The Post, is posh, with a full bar, fine-wine selection, $13,000 carpets, Baccarat crystal glasses, Cristofle sterling silver flatware and — my personal favorite — pillows made from Hermès scarves.

Aux barricades!

An Ode

My attempt at poetry . . .

At the dawn of each day
Your brown eyes greet me
An outstanding symbol
Of pure, easy goodness

On the outside I'm pretty
But you've seen the other half
It doesn't scare you, you don't run away
We face it all together

I love you more everyday
And will always be there
Just as you've done for me
In both joy and despair.

4777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777

The above was from Miha, our kitty.

I had to go back to the doctor yesterday because my incision got infected. There was literally a tiny hole in my belly where it had opened up, so they gave me antibiotics and told me to clean it with hydrogen peroxide once daily. The bad thing about antibiotics? They kill good bacteria in your body too, including that in your intestine, so you can probably imagine what that means.

The doctor said I still have about six weeks of recovery time. That time can't go fast enough. There's so much I want to do and for now I have to stay cooped up. Sometimes I feel so useless I want to cry. I have filled-out job applications just lying around, and when I see the laundry piling up and the house getting progressively dirtier it drives me insane. I know it's not forever but six weeks has never seemed so long.

I went back to the doctor for a post-op appointment today, and he said I look really good for just a week out of surgery. They took out the staples holding the incision together, and he said it looks to be healing well. The thing was a dermoid cyst, and weighed less than a pound; somehow, though, I lost 6 pounds, probably just from not eating and drinking. The doctor said he sees 5-6 of these cysts a year, so I'm not such an anomaly I guess.

The best news? The tumor was benign! I think I always knew it was, but it helps to know for sure.

I can start closing the book on this saga. I need to wait about five weeks to feel totally "normal" again, but I should be able to have kids in the future and lead an otherwise normal life, huzzah!

This whole thing has really shown me how lucky I am; lucky to have access to medical care, lucky to have caring family and friends, lucky to have an amazing husband, lucky to have a place to recover at, even lucky to have my two cats who didn't leave my side when I was in pain all day. I need to start giving back more for everything I have.

I know today was the inauguration, but we don't have cable at our place so I'm somewhat behind. I saw the swearing in online, but I'll have to look a little further to find out more.

So, I'm back at home after having surgery on Wednesday. I spent all of Tuesday in bed with intense pain, and the painkillers weren't helping. I wasn't eating or drinking and felt like I was going to blackout whenever I stood up, so we went to the ER. They gave me medicine for the pain (which still didn't help) ran some tests, and admitted me to the hospital. Early the next morning I met with a surgeon (who I'm still hugely grateful for) and he did the surgery.

They removed a huge mass, as well as an ovary and another smaller cyst on the other ovary. The big one had twisted and was cutting off blood supply to the ovary, which was causing all the pain. I have about a 10 inch incision down my belly, and I have a follow up appointment on Tuesday. I actually feel a lot lot better than I have in a while, with little pain, and I'm just glad everything's gone well.

We're settled into our place, and I'm going to try to learn to crochet to keep myself busy. I'll look for a job or place to volunteer when I'm well so I don't go stir crazy.

So, I was scheduled for surgery on Tuesday, but my doctor is out of town and her flight is delayed. It's been rescheduled for Friday.

The tumor is "big and complex," and I will most likely lose an ovary. If it looks cancerous, they will have to do a hysterectomy. Again, that's very, very unlikely, but still a little freaky.

Dre and I have discussed adopting kids (not now, but in a few years), and if I was to have a hysterectomy it probably wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. However, I still am attached to the idea of having my own, and I think it would be hard to accept not being able to.

You know what makes me sick (besides an ovarian tumor)?

The salaries of health insurance company CEOs.

I'm SO glad my dollars are paid to make me feel better.

So I saw a doctor today, and she ordered some blood tests. One tests for indicators of cancer, and other checks kidney function. She told me that I will probably end up having surgery, since the mass is large and it is solid and fluid. She said this increases its chance of being malignant, but those are still a very small percentage. I see a gynecologist on Wednesday to find out more and maybe plan surgery.

It's freaky to think that you might have cancer. I've been looking online, and although it's rare it can happen. I should find out sometime this week about the blood work.

Tradition

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Live outside the US for four months

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't think I made any last year . . .

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No

4. Did anyone close to you die? No

5. What countries did you visit? Australia, New Zealand, Hungary, Czech Republic

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Credits towards a speech pathology degree . . .

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 8/9/08, our anniversary!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Probably planning our wedding and getting married

9. What was your biggest failure? I don't know . . . can't think of any right now.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Just the usual head cold stuff.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Air New Zealand tickets

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Dre's mom helped us out a lot.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The violence in Israel/ Gaza got me down.

14. Where did most of your money go? Food, rent, etc.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Our wedding, and NZ!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Probably the Andres song by Esteban Jordan, since we danced to it for our first dance.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? I'd say happier, maybe more stressed though

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Reading

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Stressing out about work

20. Did you fall in love in 2008? I fell even more in love . . .

21. What was your favorite TV program? The Office, Flashpoint

22. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn’t dislike this time last year? No . . .

23. What was the best book you read? The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? The didgeridoo, when we went to Australia, and Dre's mom's Arabic Groove/ Latin CDs

25. What did you want and get? Admission to UNC

26. What did you want and not get? A tarantula (but there's still hope)

27. What was your favorite film of this year? I didn't see too many . . . "The Namesake" I suppose.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23 in New Zealand, and Dre and I went out to the Frog and the Kiwi for seafood in Mangawhai Heads.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Ummm . . . our car not breaking down? I don't know.

30. What kept you sane? Dre, friends, family

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Barack Obama

32. Who did you miss? Family, friends when we were in NZ.

33. Who was the best new person you met? Our roommates in Christchurch were awesome.

34. A valuable life lesson you learned in 2008? Treasure everyday.

35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: From "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz:

But I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait
I'm yours 

So I had an ultrasound today. Apparently the cyst is 13x10x10 centimeters. I've heard that those over 5 cm. are removed surgically, and the ultrasound tech said that's usually the case. I'm following up with a doctor on Monday, and hopefully we can get a plan for what to do next. It is uncomfortable and sometimes painful, so I'll do whatever it takes to get back to normal.

In other news, Dre and I officially have a place to live, and we're getting our kitties back on Tuesday! I'm so so excited. Classes start at UNC on the 12th, and I've ordered all of my books. I've also been applying to jobs . . . anything that looks like it will fit my schedule is fair game.

We saw some friends before and on New Year's eve, and I was so happy to see them again . . . as much as I loved New Zealand, I did miss people back home. A friend of mine from preschool also visited with her mom; we met almost 20 years ago, and have kept in touch over the years. I always enjoy reconnecting with her.

So, life is good overall. Dre and I are planning on adopting a dog when it's financially viable, and I can't wait to go and pick one out. There are quite a few rescues around here, so we shouldn't have trouble finding the perfect pup . . .

So, in an exciting turn of events, I learned today that I have a 12 centimeter ovarian cyst on my right side.

Dre and I got home from a New Year's eve party last night at about 3 am, and went to bed around 6 am. I had a little pain then and couldn't fall asleep, but eventually I nodded off. I woke up again in the afternoon and still had some pain . . . it felt like I was getting the stomach flu so I fell back asleep. I woke up at 6 pm, got up for some tea, and the pain was much, much worse.

Thinking I had appendicitis, we went to an urgent care, which then referred me to the ER. My symptoms were consistent with appendicitis, and I was expecting to be wheeled into surgery. However, after a CAT scan they revealed the real culprit.

I'm having an ultrasound tomorrow, and then will have to follow up with a gynocologist. I don't know if it can be aspirated, or if I have to have surgery. Good start to 2009, eh?

So, we're back from New Zealand. I actually cried as we took off from LAX; not bawling, tantrum crying but a few quiet tears. New Zealand offered a kind of simplicity that I liked (particularly in Mangawhai and the smaller towns), but perhaps I'm more afraid that I will become complacent and not travel outside of what I know again. I'm also a little nervous about starting school and finding employment that meshes with my schedule, but I suppose I just have to take everything as it comes.

Otherwise, things are going well. Dre is amazing, and I feel so lucky and happy everyday to be with him. We had Christmas with both of our families in the Springs, and a good friend of mine from preschool visited today with her mom. We met almost 17 years ago, but since her father was in the military she moved frequently. Nevertheless, we kept in touch (did you ever have a penpal?), and it was so good to see them again.

In a totally unrelated subject that I've deemed blogworthy, I've been thinking a lot about how opinions are formed. In high school history class, I always envied the kids who seemed to know how to argue for or against some president or idea or policy. I just never seemed to know where to start, particularly with policy issues (take privatizing social security, for example. I can't make up my mind on this one.)

Now, almost five years later, I feel more informed and more aware of things going on, but I still feel like there's so much I don't know. I feel like I can read and read about a certain viewpoint, but then I come across another source and my developing opinion is turned on its head. Maybe the real question I'm asking is how you're supposed to find an unbiased news source. I love to read the NY Times, just for the variety of articles it offers, but some would say it's hugely "liberal". Maybe this is a dumb question, but what makes it "liberal"? Furthermore, where does one find a balanced news source?

Anyway, maybe I'm just spinning my wheels, but it's just a random thought.

So last night, we had a party with our Russian and Korean flatmates. We had some vodka, hummus, chicken (for all the non-vegetarians), potatoes, Korean pancakes and little "pockets" that kind of looked like ravioli (but were stuffed with veggies and noodles), and tomato/onion salad. It was a lot of fun, and it makes me sad to think we're leaving them next week; I will miss talking to and getting to know them. I really do hope we stay in contact.

Perhaps what I enjoyed most was sitting with people, some of whom might have been described by the American government as "the enemy" some twenty-thirty years ago, and realizing that we are, essentially, all the same. Oleg, Viktor and Sam are in New Zealand to learn English so they can better the lives of themselves and their families. We all have the same desires: education, enough to eat, clean water, opportunties for our kids, gainful employment.

I found yesterday night to be a testament to the fact that we are all part of the same human family, and that at our most basic level we aren't very different and strive to meet the same needs.

We will be home three weeks from today! Dre and I just spent the last 45 minutes looking at prospective houses, and emailing the contact info to his mom back home so she could check them out for us. She's so good to be willing to look at them on our behalf, and I hope we can have a place lined up before we get back.

I've been applying for scholarships on fastweb and scholarships.com, and I have hope that maybe I'll get something from them, who knows. UNC has yet to package my award letter, which is frustrating but I just have to be patient.

We had Thanksgiving here in New Zealand, and it was fun. Our flatmates made Korean Japchae (sweet potato noodles, mushrooms, carrots, soy sauce), pumpkin pie, and these little kumara/milk/ honey morsels, and we made the turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes. Yumminess all around.

Anyway, we're looking forward to being back. I can't wait to see friends, family, and the kittens. The landlord here is also dodgy, which makes things uncomfortable sometimes. Anyway, we just had two Russians move in, and they are keen on the idea of a flatmate party on Saturday. We have already experience firsthand their fondness for Stolichnaya, so should make for an enjoyable weekend fest.

We're leaving for Australia on December 14th, then going back to Auckland, then flying home. We went to Mount Cook two days ago, and walked around there a bit. It was foggy and rainy but still offered decent walking and lovely scenery which reminded me a lot of Colorado. We also went to the Orana Wildlife Park yesterday, and finally got to see a kiwi! Funny little birds they are.

Love to you all, and see you soon!

Thirty days, and counting

Ok, so we're almost at the one-month-remaining mark of our time in New Zealand. We're in Christchurch now, on the south island, and just got back from a trip to Dunedin (sea lions, Larnach Castle, yellow-eyed penguins), Queenstown (a killer uphill walk leading to views of the mountains/lake), Fiordland National Park (Milford Sound), Franz Josef Glacier, and Puzzling World in Wanaka (Dre had a particular interest in the large labyrinth and puzzles there, and aptly described it in a postcard to his brother as a "geek paradise"). So, all in all, a good week.

We live in a house with three other girls, two from Korea and one from Japan. We're planning a potluck-style Thanksgiving dinner with them, and are going to try and scout out a turkey tomorrow. Maybe it will be a cornish-hen Thanksgiving, we'll see. I've decided that I will allow myself to eat poultry only on Thanksgiving (henceforth branding myself a "flexitarian"), but after that it's back to vegetarian business as usual.

I've been reflecting a lot on our time here, and my initial reason for suggesting to Dre that we do this: To see something different. After we had decided to come to NZ, a friend of mine who had spent some time in Thailand said, "You see, for me, that wouldn't be different enough." I don't know why, but that sometimes pops into my head. Different enough. True, there are a lot of aspects of life in NZ that prevent us from feeling like fish out of water (ie, language, government structure, to name a few). I don't know how I feel about that yet . . . I suppose I am just so grateful at this point to have had the opportunity at all.

The last three months

Wow, I just realized I've neglected writing here for almost a solid three months. In any case, quite a bit has happened. Dre and I got married in August, and we were fortunate enough to have quite a few family members and friends come out for the ceremony. All in all, it went wonderfully, and I have such good memories of that day.

The first few months of marriage have treated us both well; given that we're in another country without the familiarity of home, there have been some stressful points, but we've pulled through. New Zealand is an utterly amazing country: so much beauty, and it seems that people from all over the world come here. We've met people from Israel, India, Korea, China, Germany, UK, Austria, and have had the chance to travel to Hahei (where there's a hot water beach), Whangarei (to see Zion Wildlife Gardens, a sanctuary for endangered big cats), Mangawhai Heads (where we worked at a backpackers), Kaikoura (seal colony!), Tongariro National Park (we did the walks to Taranaki Falls and Silica Rapids), Rotorua (a thermal activity and Maori cultural center), Omapere (to see the two largest Kauri trees in New Zealand), the Bay of Islands (we went on a 22 hour boat trip around here and sea kayaked, snorkeled, fished for snapper, went night swimming, and ate sea urchin eggs: http://www.rocktheboat.co.nz/), and Auckland (we had the opportunity to walk along the ring outside the Sky Tower, thanks to my dear friend Ray).

I will be able to register for school soon, and we are still planning on coming back a few days before Christmas. I think we are both a bit ready to get back to our "normal" lives. Nevertheless, we are enjoying our time in NZ immensely, while it lasts. Our next big trip a few years down the road will hopefully be an African Safari; the people who we covered for at the hostel in Mangawhai Heads run a tour company, and it involves camping along sites in East Africa (http://www.africantouch.net/). So, something to save towards when we get back :)

Anyway, I suppose this is a sufficient update of what I've been up to since July. Cheers!

Cauliflower ear . . . so hott right now

Sometimes I read things that I really don't expect.

Apparently, according to this article, mixed martial arts (M.M.A.) has a trademark deformity called "cauliflower ear." It is caused by repeated blows to the ears, and develops when the injured ear is left untreated.

You can get an idea of what it looks like here, in a fight between James Thompson and Kimbo Slice.

Apparently, chicks dig this kind of stuff. There's nothing like a bloody, pus-filled ear to make 'em swoon.

Anyway, moving on. Dre and I are tying the knot a week from this Saturday. We saw a lot of people last weekend in the Springs, which was really, really nice. I did alright on the GRE; I know I could have done better if I just could have had a little time, but I suppose all that matters is the fact that my score is good enough for the grad program I want to get in to.

I'm taking the GRE tomorrow at 8:00. I feel confident about the 400-some words I've been studying since April 7, and fortunately the math isn't calc, advanced trig, etc. etc. Wish me luck . . .

I'm meeting with an advisor at UNC on Friday to go over the classes I have to take. I made a three semester plan of all the speech language pathology courses I need, but I'm not sure how my CSU core classes transfer to UNC. I guess I'll find out soon enough.

The wedding is a month from tomorrow, and I think we've got everything in place. Can't wait!

I've been having this recurring dream where I'm back in high school, and I have an English/ history class that I'm taking, but I don't know all the requirements for it. I have a big paper due, and everyone around me is almost done, but I haven't even started. I know I need the class to graduate, but I just can't get it together to do well. I had it for the third time yesterday . . . ?

Only about one month left until the wedding. We need to start calling people who we haven't heard from, and get the DJ squared away. Other than that, we're ready . . .

People have been asking me about having "cold feet," and I can't say I've had that at all . . . it makes me happy to know that Andres will be the only one for the rest of my life. I wouldn't want it to be anyone else :)

On a completely different note, I was just reading about a diploma mill (an "entity that awards degrees for 'little or no' coursework and that lacks accreditation by any government-recognized entity") that got shut down in Washington (read the article):

A 2004 report by the Government Accountability Office, which surveyed only 2 percent of federal employees, found 463 who had bought degrees from three diploma mills, but warned that the true number was probably much higher.

More than half worked for the Defense Department, where the then deputy undersecretary for personnel and readiness, charged with overseeing two million Pentagon employees, claimed a master’s degree from Columbus University, which left Louisiana after officials there demanded proper accreditation.

Is that not scary?!?