An Ode

My attempt at poetry . . .

At the dawn of each day
Your brown eyes greet me
An outstanding symbol
Of pure, easy goodness

On the outside I'm pretty
But you've seen the other half
It doesn't scare you, you don't run away
We face it all together

I love you more everyday
And will always be there
Just as you've done for me
In both joy and despair.

4777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777

The above was from Miha, our kitty.

I had to go back to the doctor yesterday because my incision got infected. There was literally a tiny hole in my belly where it had opened up, so they gave me antibiotics and told me to clean it with hydrogen peroxide once daily. The bad thing about antibiotics? They kill good bacteria in your body too, including that in your intestine, so you can probably imagine what that means.

The doctor said I still have about six weeks of recovery time. That time can't go fast enough. There's so much I want to do and for now I have to stay cooped up. Sometimes I feel so useless I want to cry. I have filled-out job applications just lying around, and when I see the laundry piling up and the house getting progressively dirtier it drives me insane. I know it's not forever but six weeks has never seemed so long.

I went back to the doctor for a post-op appointment today, and he said I look really good for just a week out of surgery. They took out the staples holding the incision together, and he said it looks to be healing well. The thing was a dermoid cyst, and weighed less than a pound; somehow, though, I lost 6 pounds, probably just from not eating and drinking. The doctor said he sees 5-6 of these cysts a year, so I'm not such an anomaly I guess.

The best news? The tumor was benign! I think I always knew it was, but it helps to know for sure.

I can start closing the book on this saga. I need to wait about five weeks to feel totally "normal" again, but I should be able to have kids in the future and lead an otherwise normal life, huzzah!

This whole thing has really shown me how lucky I am; lucky to have access to medical care, lucky to have caring family and friends, lucky to have an amazing husband, lucky to have a place to recover at, even lucky to have my two cats who didn't leave my side when I was in pain all day. I need to start giving back more for everything I have.

I know today was the inauguration, but we don't have cable at our place so I'm somewhat behind. I saw the swearing in online, but I'll have to look a little further to find out more.

So, I'm back at home after having surgery on Wednesday. I spent all of Tuesday in bed with intense pain, and the painkillers weren't helping. I wasn't eating or drinking and felt like I was going to blackout whenever I stood up, so we went to the ER. They gave me medicine for the pain (which still didn't help) ran some tests, and admitted me to the hospital. Early the next morning I met with a surgeon (who I'm still hugely grateful for) and he did the surgery.

They removed a huge mass, as well as an ovary and another smaller cyst on the other ovary. The big one had twisted and was cutting off blood supply to the ovary, which was causing all the pain. I have about a 10 inch incision down my belly, and I have a follow up appointment on Tuesday. I actually feel a lot lot better than I have in a while, with little pain, and I'm just glad everything's gone well.

We're settled into our place, and I'm going to try to learn to crochet to keep myself busy. I'll look for a job or place to volunteer when I'm well so I don't go stir crazy.

So, I was scheduled for surgery on Tuesday, but my doctor is out of town and her flight is delayed. It's been rescheduled for Friday.

The tumor is "big and complex," and I will most likely lose an ovary. If it looks cancerous, they will have to do a hysterectomy. Again, that's very, very unlikely, but still a little freaky.

Dre and I have discussed adopting kids (not now, but in a few years), and if I was to have a hysterectomy it probably wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. However, I still am attached to the idea of having my own, and I think it would be hard to accept not being able to.

You know what makes me sick (besides an ovarian tumor)?

The salaries of health insurance company CEOs.

I'm SO glad my dollars are paid to make me feel better.

So I saw a doctor today, and she ordered some blood tests. One tests for indicators of cancer, and other checks kidney function. She told me that I will probably end up having surgery, since the mass is large and it is solid and fluid. She said this increases its chance of being malignant, but those are still a very small percentage. I see a gynecologist on Wednesday to find out more and maybe plan surgery.

It's freaky to think that you might have cancer. I've been looking online, and although it's rare it can happen. I should find out sometime this week about the blood work.

Tradition

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Live outside the US for four months

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't think I made any last year . . .

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No

4. Did anyone close to you die? No

5. What countries did you visit? Australia, New Zealand, Hungary, Czech Republic

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Credits towards a speech pathology degree . . .

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 8/9/08, our anniversary!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Probably planning our wedding and getting married

9. What was your biggest failure? I don't know . . . can't think of any right now.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Just the usual head cold stuff.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Air New Zealand tickets

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Dre's mom helped us out a lot.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The violence in Israel/ Gaza got me down.

14. Where did most of your money go? Food, rent, etc.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Our wedding, and NZ!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Probably the Andres song by Esteban Jordan, since we danced to it for our first dance.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? I'd say happier, maybe more stressed though

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Reading

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Stressing out about work

20. Did you fall in love in 2008? I fell even more in love . . .

21. What was your favorite TV program? The Office, Flashpoint

22. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn’t dislike this time last year? No . . .

23. What was the best book you read? The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? The didgeridoo, when we went to Australia, and Dre's mom's Arabic Groove/ Latin CDs

25. What did you want and get? Admission to UNC

26. What did you want and not get? A tarantula (but there's still hope)

27. What was your favorite film of this year? I didn't see too many . . . "The Namesake" I suppose.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23 in New Zealand, and Dre and I went out to the Frog and the Kiwi for seafood in Mangawhai Heads.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Ummm . . . our car not breaking down? I don't know.

30. What kept you sane? Dre, friends, family

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Barack Obama

32. Who did you miss? Family, friends when we were in NZ.

33. Who was the best new person you met? Our roommates in Christchurch were awesome.

34. A valuable life lesson you learned in 2008? Treasure everyday.

35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: From "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz:

But I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait
I'm yours 

So I had an ultrasound today. Apparently the cyst is 13x10x10 centimeters. I've heard that those over 5 cm. are removed surgically, and the ultrasound tech said that's usually the case. I'm following up with a doctor on Monday, and hopefully we can get a plan for what to do next. It is uncomfortable and sometimes painful, so I'll do whatever it takes to get back to normal.

In other news, Dre and I officially have a place to live, and we're getting our kitties back on Tuesday! I'm so so excited. Classes start at UNC on the 12th, and I've ordered all of my books. I've also been applying to jobs . . . anything that looks like it will fit my schedule is fair game.

We saw some friends before and on New Year's eve, and I was so happy to see them again . . . as much as I loved New Zealand, I did miss people back home. A friend of mine from preschool also visited with her mom; we met almost 20 years ago, and have kept in touch over the years. I always enjoy reconnecting with her.

So, life is good overall. Dre and I are planning on adopting a dog when it's financially viable, and I can't wait to go and pick one out. There are quite a few rescues around here, so we shouldn't have trouble finding the perfect pup . . .

So, in an exciting turn of events, I learned today that I have a 12 centimeter ovarian cyst on my right side.

Dre and I got home from a New Year's eve party last night at about 3 am, and went to bed around 6 am. I had a little pain then and couldn't fall asleep, but eventually I nodded off. I woke up again in the afternoon and still had some pain . . . it felt like I was getting the stomach flu so I fell back asleep. I woke up at 6 pm, got up for some tea, and the pain was much, much worse.

Thinking I had appendicitis, we went to an urgent care, which then referred me to the ER. My symptoms were consistent with appendicitis, and I was expecting to be wheeled into surgery. However, after a CAT scan they revealed the real culprit.

I'm having an ultrasound tomorrow, and then will have to follow up with a gynocologist. I don't know if it can be aspirated, or if I have to have surgery. Good start to 2009, eh?