The most wonderful time of the year!

I love this time of year! Snow, Christmas decorations, and Advent wreaths always bring such a sense of nostalgia.

We are in the process of buying a house in Loveland, and we may get to close earlier than expected. I put my two weeks in at my job here in Greeley; I can't justify the one hour commute. It was hard not to get emotional when I told the kids I was leaving, as I really do like working with them (even if some days are turbulent).

All of my Master's classes are online, and I'm still looking at being done with practicum in summer 2011 (maybe sooner). I've contacted the Early Childhood Department head with the Loveland school district, and she was enthusiastic about me doing my practicum there. I need to register for the PLACE tests, then I can start practicum in the fall! I've applied for some part time positions in Loveland too; now that we're going to be homeowners, I'd like to have a little more time to maintain our place. Working full time this semester left me with few minutes to spare . . .

Anyway, that's what's new! Happy 2010 (because knowing how often I update, that's probably the next time I'll post on here)!

What a chore, I'm 24

So I turned 24 last week. I used to always think of 25 as the time when I would have a career, house, husband, dog, etc. I'm satisfied with my life thus far, and the ways things have turned out. There's still so much I want to do and accomplish, but that's what the next 24 years are for, eh?

I went to a wolf refuge where my cousin works for my birthday, and he showed us how to feed the wolves. The rest of the weekend was spent lounging around with parents and getting spoiled. Going home is always great.

Speaking of which, we've mostly nixed the Washington idea. The reason for going would be to live by the ocean . . . but what else? Our family and friends are here, and we both have jobs that we enjoy and can build on. So, for now, we're staying put.

Grad school is great, I love what I'm learning and being able to use it. The next month will bring a slew of papers and tests. 1.5 more months to go.

Halloween is in two weeks. It's always been one of my favorite holidays, but we didn't celebrate it last year because we were in New Zealand. The kiwis didn't seem to know what Halloween was, but our Korean flatmates did, and said they wanted to go trick or treating . . . I don't remember if we did or not.

I saw two friends of mine this weekend - one of whom I know from college and the other I hadn't seen since high school - and they really renewed my spirit, such strong, interesting women.

Decisions

So, in about a year, I am looking at doing my practicum for the Early Childhood Special Ed program. Essentially, this is student teaching. I'll spend time with three different age groups of kids, and then I'll get my Master's degree. I've also found the list of course requirements for adding an elementary education endorsement to my license, which I think I'll do.

I need to make a decision before then about where I'm going to do my practicum. We've had the idea of going to Vancouver, WA, for a few years, just for something different. Dre would probably be able to continue with his company there, and I could most likely find a job there after I complete my practicum. But . . . I can't decide to stay in Colorado, or go to Washington, and it's grinding on me.

Washington Pros:

- An hour's drive away from the ocean (where I would love to live)
- Good public transportation
- Close to Portland, OR
- Exploring the Pacific Northwest would be at our fingertips

Washington Cons:

- Far from family and friends
- I'd have to find my own practicum placement, and perhaps submit to more testing (the Praxis)

Colorado Pros:

- Close to family and friends
- I already understand the path to teacher licensure in CO
- Moving expenses would be less $

Colorado Cons:

- Sense of adventure is greatly reduced
- Might regret not going to WA later on

Job, continued

I'm about a month into my new job, and I love it. I felt somewhat intimidated by the kids at the beginning of the year, but now I feel like I have a moderately strong handle on situations when the kids start getting agitated and I need to give them direction. It's always a learning process, but the team I'm with is supportive and communicates expectations for the kids, which helps me out a lot. I'm finding that I'm good at staying calm, collected, and giving stern yet clear directions, which probably was a by-product of working with kids with autism.

Being a para has allowed me to view different aspects of special education through a microscope, and I like being able to connect my job with what I'm learning in my graduate classes. One thing that I've noticed is that not all general education teachers are willing to work with kids with special needs, or accommodate them once they are in the classroom. One of the principles of IDEA (legislation which ensures all children receive a free, appropriate, public education, or FAPE) is that students will be placed in a least restrictive environment (LRE). What this means is that students with disabilities will not be segregated in a room at the back of the school where no one sees them; rather, they will be with their regular peers to the greatest extent possible. However, I've heard about some general ed teachers who single out the special needs kid(s) in their classroom, or hold consistently low expectations for them.

Further, I've heard about special ed teachers who don't have expectations for their students. I was told about a special ed teacher of kids with emotional/ behavioral disabilities who just gave his students puzzles to do, day after day, because "they wouldn't learn anything anyway." Other teachers just let them draw all day. The kids I work with now are in this population, and they WILL learn if they have expectations; I've seen it. They are intelligent; a teacher just needs to unlock it.

Thirdly, one thing I've noticed in the teacher's lounge is that some of the gen ed teachers are very clique-y. Not all of them, mind you, but some of them. It's almost like sitting in the high school cafeteria all over again. Maybe this is just part of the elementary school culture, as I didn't notice this at the junior high school I used to work at. However, at the same junior high school, the teacher I used to work with was confronted by the secretary (who had a daughter with an intellectual disability) about how the money being spent on our severe autism program could be used for students like her daughter. I'm sure that there are a multitude of co-worker challenges I'll encounter in my career, but these are just a few I've noticed so far.

Ay ay ay a lot has been going on.

I started a new job with kids with emotional disturbances; I've been with the kids for four whole school days now. I've worked with kids with autism, severe physical disabilities, and preschoolers . . . but nothing like this, lemme tell ya. I don't know a lot about their histories, but to put it lightly, these kids are very rough around the edges.

I have to wonder what will happen to them in the long run, what with their current behaviors and academic progress. In some ways, though, I feel like I can really relate to the kids. From sixth grade through high school I oftentimes felt completely misunderstood, wrongly categorized, disconnected from other kids my age, and like no one (outside of my family) cared if I succeeded or not. I was a quiet, lonely, insecure kid who didn't dress cool and had a goofy face and stringy hair and had drifted away from my circle of friends from elementary school, making haphazard friendships along the way. I remember one time in eighth grade, the middle school was doing a "Dress Backwards/Goofy" day, and one kid snidely said to me and a few other girls, "You guys just come as you already are!" Another kid perked up, snickered and said to the first, "Hey! You stole what I was going to say to them!" We just sat and stared at our laps.

It's funny the things that stay with you. Maybe that's just the middle school experience. I mean, who really wants to go back to being 14? In any case, I think that's a big reason why I've decided to become a teacher; I genuinely want to make things better for kids who need a little more help. Fortunately, I had a great set of parents and sister to be my support system, but not everyone is lucky enough to have that. I'm not pretending to completely understand what they're going through, but part of their pain resonates in my heart.

So, totally switching gears, I'm disappointed in this. Again, I have the same frustration: how much can one man (read: Obama) really change? Congress seems to be so controlled by special interests and people with money. Is "representative" a misnomer? Maybe these healthcare co-ops are a good idea; I haven't done enough research to know. I'm just disappointed to hear that the public option might be out before we, the people, really heard any of the details of what that might entail.

Here I am again, having procrastinated my Rosetta Stone session until 1:30 am. I've always worked better at night. Freshman year of college I would take showers after studying at four in the morning, and a lot of people thought me crazy. Maybe it's because there's less going on at night, and it's easier to concentrate.

Anyway, on Saturday night we went to Elliot's Martini Bar with some friends. Truly AMAZING drinks there. Dre and I don't frequent bars, but this place had some tasty concoctions. If you go I would recommend the Threesome and Mint on Your Pillow. However, be forewarned that the drinks are pricey . . . another reason why Dre and I only go out on special occasions.

I have about a week left until I get to start at my new job. My schedule at my current job is unusually lax this week. I'm going to try and get some reading done, and Rosetta Stone. I've been meaning to read Hot, Flat and Crowded by Thomas Friedman. I read a lot in New Zealand, but lately it's been hard to find a free moment to really process a book. I will just have to savor every moment.

I'm feeling restless again. On August 19th of last year, Dre and I left to spend four months in New Zealand. I loved it . . . the exhilaration of a new place, the ocean, diving into the unknown.

I've had to accept that it will be harder for us to leave for four months (or longer) again, one of the reasons being that it would not be easy to find someone willing to take care of our animals. However, I'm keen on the idea of a 6 week long volunteer trip. I found this site that offers affordable trips to Vietnam, Kenya, Thailand, and some others. Here is a way to search for different opportunities.

I'd like to look into Asia or Africa; in any case, we'll need to save a little first. Definitely something to work towards!

New beginnings, bittersweet endings

So, a lot has happened this week I guess. I've been hired to be a full time SPED instructional assistant. I will officially start on the first day of school, and meet the teacher a few days before then. I am so excited, and can't wait to get more classroom experience.

I have ordered all my books for my ECSE classes, and decided to drop my morning Spanish class (I couldn't do it with this new job anyway). Dre and I have started Rosetta Stone for Spanish, and so far so good. I'm a little curious if one can learn a language via a computer program . . . I guess we'll find out. I'm one test away from being done with my online graduate research class, and fall classes start August 24.

I will be leaving the long term care place in two week's time. I will miss a lot of the residents, and the tangible sense of helping that I got from working there. Maybe I'll volunteer there, I'm not sure yet.

Dre and I are taking Moby to the Freedom Dog Park in Evans tonight, one of my favorite places ever (and where we spend at least 50% of our nights and weekends). On Saturday we're going to a martini bar to celebrate a friend's birthday . . . it will be casual and fun so I'm looking forward to it.

Longing

Sometimes I feel like I left a big part of my heart in New Zealand. I truly felt alive when Dre and I would walk down to Mangawhai's beach, or we'd play in the ocean. Once we kissed by the moonlight on the beach, and it was more peaceful than anything I could imagine.

I'll be honest: I would go back to New Zealand in a heartbeat if my parents and Dre's parents were to say, "What the hell! Let's relocate too!" If Dre and I were to immigrate to NZ, it would be for good. Maybe we could come home during the summers and what not, but we'd be centralized in NZ. The thing keeping me here is that I know our families will want to be around when we have kids, and I will want to be here to take care of our parents when they get older.

A few weeks ago, Dre and I helped clean up after the demolition derby at the Greeley Stampede. Our job was to pick up all the trash people left behind. The Stampede includes all of your regular big event fare . . . nachos, soda, funnel cakes, etc.

After the entire stadium had been cleaned up, I counted at least 30 bags of trash. It broke my heart. At one point, I opened up some of the trash bags and started filling up a recycling container by one of the exits with plastic bottles, cups, whatever would go in. After about two bags, the container was full.

Just imagine how much of that stuff going to the landfill could have been recycled!! It kills me to think about it. It also kills me to think that some people in our society will label recycling advocates as "hippies" or "treehuggers," and refuse to change their ways. Have they seen what our waste is doing to the oceans?

There's a giant mass of trash in the Pacific called the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. It apparently holds 100 million tons of crap, and stretches 500 nautical miles off the Californian coast. According to this site, 90% of all trash in the oceans is plastic, with every square mile containing 46,000 pieces.

How hard would it have been for those people at the Stampede to drop their soda bottle or beer can into a recycle bin on the way out? It makes me crazy!! A quick search on Google images with the query "Great Pacific Garbage Patch" reveals the skeleton of an albatross that mistook plastic for food, its body filled with the stuff. It's awful.

What needs to happen so that we change this?

I was just reading about this surgeon, Dr. Bryan Mahan; I went to school with the guy's kid. Mahan is being named in a lawsuit for throwing human tissue at a nurse during an open heart surgery and joking about it. Apparently he had harassed her before the incident, and when she complained the hospital demoted her and took no action against Mahan.

Firstly, mad props to her for not backing down (given these claims are valid). Secondly, it's infuriating to think the hospital did nothing. Apparently common decency ain't so common.

Nurse sues Memorial, claims surgeon threw human tissue at her

June 26, 2009 - 7:07 PM
JOHN C. ENSSLIN

THE GAZETTE

A nurse has sued Memorial Hospital, charging that shde was demoted after complaining about a heart surgeon tossing bloody tissue at her during an operation.

The eight-page complaint filed Friday in U.S. District Court by Sonja Morris alleges that Dr. Bryan Mahan tossed the 4-by-6-inch piece of tissue at her, hitting her on the leg during an open-heart surgery in August 2008.

She contends Mahan made a joke about it to the other surgeons, saying, "Oh (expletive), I hit her. Can we get cultures on that?"

Morris said she felt humiliated as the other surgeons chuckled.

Mahan could not be reached for comment Friday afternoon.

Morris claims that the incident was part of a pattern of harassing behavior by Mahan toward her.

She also alleged that in June 2008, Mahan came up behind her and hit her in the head.

She told him to stop, but two weeks later, he did it again, the suit alleged. Again she asked him to stop.

Chris Valentine, a spokesman for the hospital, declined to comment on the lawsuit.

"Obviously, because it's in legal hands, we're not in a position to comment," he said.

Mahan is the chairman of cardiac and thoracic medicine at Memorial. He is not named as a defendant in the lawsuit.

Morris has worked at the hospital as a nurse since June 1999. She has been a member of the heart surgery team since October 2007.

The incident with the bloody tissue occurred on Aug. 28, 2008, after normal working hours during an operation in which doctors were doing a procedure known as a pericardiectomy.

The surgery involved removing a protective layer of tissue from the heart. Morris contends that was the bloody tissue that Mahan tossed at her. She said she was standing at a work station about 15 feet away from the operating table.

Because the operation was still in progress, she was unable to immediately clean the part of her leg that the tissue hit.

She filed a complaint about the incident but said that resulted in no disciplinary action.

On Dec. 10, she filed a notice of claim against Mahan and the hospital. Her complaint to the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission alleged that she was subjected to a hostile work environment because of her gender.

Seven days later, she said hospital administrators removed her from the heart surgery team, considered a prestigious position, and transferred her to the main operating room.

The suit alleged that this action violated her First Amendment rights to petition the hospital to correct something she considered wrong.

So, a few weeks ago Dre was walking Moby, and a dog started following them home. The dog was drinking out of rain puddles and eating scraps of whatever off the sidewalk, and had matted fur; Dre brought him home and after feeding him we took him to the Weld County Humane Society.

He's on the WCHS website now, under the name "Albert." He's 1.5 years old, and supposedly a Australian Shepherd mix. He's very friendly, smart, and would make a great dog. We'd adopt him if we could. If you or anyone you know is looking to adopt a dog soon, I encourage you to check him out.

Weld County Humane Society: http://www.weldcountyhumane.org/adopt_a_pet.aspx

We went down to Springs this weekend for the Starlight Spectacular, a bike ride through Garden of the Gods that goes from midnight to 4am. It was great fun, and although I made it, I realized I really need to get fit again. There was an old Schwinn stationary bike on craigslist for $45, and I got it.

Other than that, work is going well. I got my CDL permit, and have been learning to drive the bus. It's not as bad as I expected. I still really like the residents, and the people I work with. I'm working at least 30 hours each week, which is good to save up for school. Speaking of which, I emailed UNC to inquire about the status of my application, and the Early Childhood SPED coordinator emailed me back and said I had been accepted. I contacted the licensure officer, and I'm signed up for all the right teacher prep courses. So, exciting.

I want to work with kids who might not have the same opportunities as their counterparts. I'm taking Spanish in the fall, and am going to seek out a student teaching position in a school that would provide that experience. I've been thinking a lot about adoption too lately, and I like the idea of having one baby, and adopting another, either through foster care or otherwise. Like I said, we're not planning on kids for awhile, but it's something to think about.

Dre and I have almost been married one year! We're thinking of taking a trip down to Texas for our one year anniversary; we have some airline vouchers we got as a wedding gift, and we might be able to arrange a condo by a beach. We'll also see his family, which will be cool. I just need to arrange time off work, we'll see.

So I found a blog template that looks like the cliff walk in Mangawhai Heads, where we ran the hostel in New Zealand. I have really been missing New Zealand recently, particularly the sea and living in a less urban locale. We've ruled out going back in the immediate future, as it would be too much of a sacrifice to leave family and friends behind, but maybe someday.

Another thing I've been thinking a lot about lately is adopting kids. Becoming a mommy is still a few years off, but adopting is something that Dre is in favor of. From what I've heard, adopting from the United States is difficult, and adopting from overseas is expensive. I have been warming up to the idea of adopting internationally, but there's still a part of me that wants to have the whole 9 months pregnancy-birth-infant bonding experience. Sometimes I ask myself why I wouldn't adopt, since there are so many kids/ babies who need a family, and we'd be doing a lot of good. I don't know how I feel about it all for sure, I guess I'll have to do more research and let it all sink in.

Dre sent me an article about Pete Peterson, a billionaire using his fortune to set up a charity. Check it out if you have a chance.

Stand Up

Stand Up- The Flobots

Stand up
We shall not be moved
Except By a child with no socks and shoes
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Stand up, we shall not be moved
Except by a woman dying from a loss of food
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

We still don't understand thunder and lightning
Flash back to when we didn't fund the dam
Didn't fund the dam levee? No wonder man
Now our whole damn city's torn asunder man
Under water but we still don't understand
We see hurricane spills overrun the land
Through gaps you couldn't fill with a 100 tons of sand
No we still don't understand
We've seen planes in the windows of buildings crumbled in
We've seen flames send the chills through London
And we've sent planes to kill them and some of them were children
But still we crumbling the building
Underfunded but we still don't understand
Under God but we kill like the son of Sam
But if you feel like I feel like about the son of man
We will overcome

So Stand up
We shall not be moved
Except By a child with no socks and shoes
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Stand up we shall not be moved
Except by a woman dying from a loss of food
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

I said Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

We shall not be moved
Except By a child with no socks and shoes
Except by a woman dying from a loss of food
Except by a freedom fighter bleeding on a cross for you
We shall not be moved
Except by a system thats rotten through
Neglecting the victims and ordering the cops to shoot
High treason now we need to prosecute

So Stand up
We shall not be moved
And we won't fight a war for fossil fuel
Its times like this that you want to plot a coup
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
So Stand up
We shall not be moved
Unless were taking a route we have not pursued
So if you've got a dream and a lot to do
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

I said Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
if you've got a dream and a lot to do
Put your hands up

Now shake, shake
A Polaroid dream
nightmare negatives develop on the screen
We sit back and wait for the government team
Criticize they but who the fuck are we
The people want peace but the leaders want war
Our neighbors don't speak, peek through the front door
House representatives preach "stay the course"
Time for a leap of faith
Once More

Put your hands up high if you haven't abandoned
Hope that the pen strokes stronger than the cannon
Balls to the wall, Nose to the grindstone
My interrogation techniques leave your mind blown
So Place your bets lets speak to the enemy
Don't let em pretend that we seek blood
And who's we anyways Kemo Sabe?
Mighty warlord wanna-be street thug
a threat for a threat leaves the whole world terrified
blow for blow never settles the score
word for word is time need clarify
We the people did not want war

So Stand up
We shall not be moved
Except By a child with no socks and shoes
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Unless were taking a route we have not pursued
So if you've got a dream and a lot to do
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

I said Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
if you've got a dream and a lot to do
Put your hands up

Poly ticks= Many blood suckers

In November 2008 and the months beforehand, the words "hope" and "change" were swirling around like blue butterflies. Obama offered something that the other candidates did not: a promise that things would be different. I voted for him on that premise.

But seriously, how do you really know who you're voting for? Political consultants are paid millions of dollars to make candidates look good. News is slanted this way or that. They pay speechwriters to tell them what to say. People with lots of money rub elbows with those who make big decisions. How do you know the truth? How do you know what that candidate is really thinking, or whose interests they're concerned about?

I just watched a Bill Moyers documentary about single payer healthcare. He reviewed a speech by Jimmy Carter in the 1970s, in which Carter says about healthcare:

We've built a haphazard, unsound, undirected, inefficient non-system, which has left us unhealthy and unwealthy at the same time. So we must plan, and decisively phase in, simultaneous reform of services and refinancing of cost.

So what happened? According to Moyers, the government backed down after the health insurance companies promised to voluntarily cut costs . . . and then costs soared. Thirty years later, we still have a "haphazard, unsound, undirected, inefficient non-system," and it's leaving the common person unhealthy and unwealthy while inflating the bank accounts of insurance company CEOs.

Fast forward to the Clinton era. "Universal coverage has to be the bottom line and do not let anybody tell you any differently," said Hillary Clinton. But do we have health coverage that makes sense now? Uhhh, no. In fact, a mere 1 in 14 people are satisfied with the way healthcare is run now. Is that representing the voice and desires of the people?

I'm not saying that Obama's doing a poor job. All I'm saying is that "change" seems so . . . idealistic sometimes. Is it really going to happen? Sometimes I think not. Obama still receives money from the insurance companies, and Democratic Senator Max Baucus (who is hosting a roundtable "discussion" on healthcare reform, attended by those more or less in favor of keeping things the way they are) is the third highest recipient of money from the insurance industry. Single payer advocates were not given a seat at the table. So where's the hope in that?

It's not just the healthcare industry. Our government is closing the prison at Guantanamo Bay, but is planning on instituting a system of "prolonged detention," in which terrorism suspects are held in the United States without trial for an indefinite period of time. According to the article, "the concept of preventive detention is at the very boundary of American law, and legal experts say any new plan for the imprisonment of terrorism suspects without trial would seem inevitably bound for the Supreme Court." Maybe I missed something, but isn't this still keeping people locked up without a fair trial?

Again, it's not just the president I'm discouraged by. It's the entire system. Let's face it: one man can only do so much. I just wish that when politicians promised to advocate for common person, they would mean it. I make 8 bucks an hour working part time at a nursing home, and there have been times this past year when it feels like I'm just barely hanging on. I'm not a billionaire or a lobbyist. Who's out there fighting for me, and those like me?

I was just reading an article in the NY Times about death in birth in Tanzania. There are a lot of factors that contribute to the health of the mother and infant, such as the mother's state, her distance from the clinic, previous c-sections, etc. Plus, at the clinics, there is a shortage of trained healthcare workers. Even more, the reporter witnessed them washing and reusing bloody gauze.

I remember there was a lot of hullaballoo this past January about NBC refusing to air a Super Bowl anti-abortion ad put out by an organization called Fidelis. I tried to find the price tag of such an ad, and according to this site, it would have cost 1.5-1.8 million.

Consider this: In Tanzania, A normal birth at the hospital costs about $6, an emergency Caesarean $15. An excerpt from the NY Times article:

Only 20 percent of women in the area give birth at the hospital, and many do so only when they need Caesareans. Many women say they simply cannot afford the hospital. More than 50 percent stay home togive birth, and the rest go to local clinics that cannot handle emergencies or perform Caesareans. “We lost four or five babies this week,” the Rev. Isaac Y. Mgego, an Anglican priest and the hospital’s director, said in an interview in January. “Our doctors have to play with two bad things, to save the mother or save the child.”

Later on, Mr. Mgego says it costs about $200,000 a year to run Berega Hospital in Tanzania.

Imagine what 1.5 million American dollars could do for these women. It could build more clinics, train more health workers, pay for more prenatal care, treat malaria, repair fistulas, run Berege Hospital for 7 years . . . it could save lives.

I understand that some people place a lot of significance in making a point, such as with a Super Bowl ad or otherwise. But if I had 1.5 million dollars at my disposal, I don't think that's what I'd spend it on.

So I started my first graduate level class on Monday: Intro to Graduate Research. At first I wasn't too enthused about it, but I'm liking reading the education journal articles. To have research backing up different methods of teaching or running a classroom is valuable. It's an online class, the first I've ever taken, and so far so good.

My job at the preschool ended today, as it's summer break. I'm still working at the long term care place. I've made a few mistakes in the last few days, and whenever I make mistakes I have a hard time letting them go. I just hate messing up, but I guess it's going to happen . . .

We have a little dirt patch in our backyard, and today I planted a tomato plant and some spinach. Hopefully the spinach comes up and the tomato survives. I also got some Coneflower/ Echinacea seeds for Teacher Appreciation Week, and I planted those in a pot on our front "porch." I'm finding I like working in our yard, even if it is small.

Moby has the all-clear to go on walks. We ordered him a thing called a Springer that we can use to take him on bike rides. We have to wait until he's 10 months old to use it, as his growth plates are still developing. At least now we can take him walking and he won't be so hard to live with.

I just heard about this website that tells you about the products/ brands/ companies being marketed to us. For example, I use Suave Sleek Shampoo, and it got a rating of 7 out of 10 (based on how the company treats its workers and the environment and the ingredients of the product, to name a few of the considerations).

Check it out if you get a chance.

Discouragement

If this article is correct, 15 people speaking out for single payer healthcare were arrested at a Senate round table discussion on the topic. An excerpt:

The protestors were stoic and respectful but direct. One by one they stood. One by one they asked why single payer reform was not “at the table” of 15 witnesses Senator Max Baucus and his finance Committee gathered to map out what sort of coverage Americans might expect in the Senate reform bill now being crafted. Sen. Baucus eventually spoke and indicated that he was respectful of those who believe in single payer – as he acknowledged many of his constituents in Montana do – but he made no attempt to explain why no single payer voice has been included in any Senate discussion to date. He urged any others in the audience who might have any designs on speaking up like the protestors did to not do so, and then he moved on to his round table discussion.

Karen Ignagni, head of the group American Health Insurance Plans (AHIP), got a seat at the table. But why didn't these 15 people, and why were they arrested?

It's things like this that make me sick. If you can explain why these people were taken out, then please do, because I'm puzzled.

About a year ago I read The Essential 55, by Ron Clark. He is a teacher who has been decorated with various awards, and has taught elementary students in the South and in New York. They even made a movie about him with Matthew Perry. Anyway, the reason I'm bringing him up is that his 55 rules have begun to make a lot of sense to me. I've been working in a preschool now for about two months, and the skills Clark teaches are good for any student to know. Take a look at them if you get a chance.

Moby's been back from the hospital, and he has to stay on cage rest for about another 4 weeks. We have him tied up in the house so he can't run around, but he doesn't seem to know he's injured or had surgery. He barks and jumps around, tries to catch the cats, and has lately been more destructive than usual. We give him attention in the house, but it's not the same as a long walk or run. I'll be glad when he's "normal" again . . . it's hard to keep him tied up.

So we are going to be in Greeley for the next two years, until spring 2011, when I will be done at UNC. But what then? We've thought about moving to Denver, Springs, Fort Collins. But one thing that I can't stop thinking about is moving to New Zealand.

In my field (or what will be my field) of Early Childhood Education, there are opportunities for teachers. This is from TeachNZ:

Early childhood teachers (ECE) - new professional registration requirements for early childhood teachers in New Zealand, and the high participation rate in early childhood education are placing pressure on ECE teacher numbers. At this point there are no UK ECE qualifications that are equivalent to 3 -year NZ ECE diploma or degree.

I would have to provide originals of my Master's Degree and transcripts to the New Zealand Qualifications Authority, then register with the New Zealand Teacher's Council. Then I'd have to get a work permit. The TeachNZ site says that for early childhood teachers, I only have to produce evidence of registration and a letter of a job offer in order to get a work visa. The visa would allow me to enter New Zealand where I would get a work permit.

In Auckland, the university is doing research that Dre is highly interested in, and we would be able to bring the cats and Moby with us. There are a lot of ECE jobs posted in the NZ Education Gazette. So what's holding us back? Leaving family behind, primarily. I would come back if my parents needed help, but I worry that I would feel huge guilt if they didn't get to see us and their grandkids a lot. That's really the main thing that I would need to resolve in my mind before we would go.

Dre and I just got back from taking Moby to the vet. He was going to have surgery on 5/5, but we noticed this big bulge, like a tumor, on his side. We thought it was his faulty kidney getting bigger, so we took him in. However, it turned out to be just a fluid filled sac under his skin. Nothing to worry about, but the vets are going to do his surgery tomorrow instead.

The vet said that had we not discovered this kidney defect now, Moby would have started experiencing signs of kidney failure at about age three. I still hate that he had to get hit by a car to give reason for his abdominal xrays, but glad we're getting this taken care of ASAP. It ain't gonna be cheap, but he's our pup, and we'd do anything for him.

So how's this for crazy?

Our little pup got hit by a car when I was walking him this past Monday, and we immediately took him to the animal hospital. After a bunch of xrays they found out that he has a fracture in his pelvis (which will heal on its own), and they also discovered a kidney defect. Somehow his kidney isn't emptying, so it's filling with fluid; this could be bad if it ruptured. He's probably had it since birth, but they recommend we remove the kidney, which is happening in a few weeks. If not for the accident this probably would have gone undetected, crazy huh?

Anyway, I am enjoying my new job. Some aspects of it are difficult; a few days ago there was a woman who'd had a stroke, trying really hard to tell me something, but all I could say was, "I'm sorry, I don't understand." I try to be as reassuring and kind as I can, which I think is what the residents need from me. I know that someday I'll be their age, and I will want the same respect.

In any case, despite my puppy being hurt, I'm feeling a lot better than I have in a while. I finally feel productive, like I'm getting somewhere. I have a plan for school, an income, jobs. I need those things to feel validated. I'm excited for the future: someday having my own classroom, someday buying a house, learning Spanish, but for now continuing to enjoy life with Dre and our kitties and pup.

So what's new? A few things worth mentioning. I was fortunate enough to be hired for another job, as an activities assistant at a long term care facility. I trained this weekend in their Alzheimer's unit (where I'll be every other weekend), and I got good feedback on my skills from the person training me . . . so that was encouraging. This job is part time, so it meshes perfectly with my other part time job; plus, it will work well with my school schedule come fall. Hopefully I can soon secure a summer school position, and my weekly number of hours worked will stay constant.

I took the PLACE exam this weekend, which is required for admittance to the Early Childhood SPED grad program at UNC. I think I did well; I'll find out in two weeks.

Now, for the main reason I thought to post anything. An awful thing happened today, and I still don't know exactly how it did. I was taking Mobius for a walk, and somehow the leash detached from his collar. How this happened I do not know. He ran out in the street and got hit by a car, going about 25 mph. We took him to the vet and he has no broken bones, and his blood work came back ok. They're just worried about his kidney, which looked out of place on the xray. It could be the way it was since birth, or maybe the accident knocked it out of place. He's staying overnight to be observed. Hopefully we can bring him home tomorrow. It's shaken us up a bit . . . say a prayer he'll be ok.

About a month ago I submitted an online application to UNC for grad school, including the application fee. Fast forward to now. Apparently the app never got processed/ printed off, and the receipt of payment wasn't recorded (despite the fact that it's on our credit card statement). Kind of strange.

Somehow I seem to remember I have my blog when it would be a good time for an update. First things first: I managed to get a job. I'm working in a preschool classroom, with kids who have special needs and those who are more "mainstream." I'm assigned to one student in particular who has some behavioral issues. I've been on the job three weeks and I can see him improving already, so that's encouraging. Overall, it has been great; so great, in fact, it's convinced me to change my course of study from Speech to Early Childhood Special Education. There is a Master's program at UNC for this, and I've applied and have my letters of rec on the way. I'm starting some teacher's licensure classes in the summer, and I should be finished Spring 2011.

Although I still have a huge interest in Speech- Language, I'm ready to dive into grad level work. The speech program required I take a year of undergrad leveling courses, THEN apply to the grad school. I'm so so anxious to devote myself to something career-wise though, and I've been told that I'm "good at" special ed. I've found I like preschool because the kids still have such a sense of innocence, and it's a chance for me (or any teacher) to make the ultimate good first impression of the learning environment. Besides, in the end I'll still be helping kids, which was my goal along. It's the right decision.

The other good news is I'm totally healed from surgery. I just survived a battle with laryngitis, two ear infections and two eyes full of conjunctivitis, so I'm feeling like a trooper health-wise. Dre and I are going down to Springs for Easter next week, and Moby will get to play with my parents' dog. Good times all around.

I've been reading about this woman, Marie Douglas-David, who is poor-me-ing about not receiving enough in her divorce settlement.

Apparently $43 million isn't enough to maintain her ho-hum lifestyle. According to an article in USA Today, "Douglas-David has filed court papers saying she has more than $53,800 in weekly expenses, including maintaining a Park Avenue apartment and three residences in Sweden. Also among her weekly expenses: $700 for limousine service, $4,500 for clothes, $1,000 for hair and skin treatments, $1,500 for restaurants and entertainment, and $8,000 for travel."

At church last week, we had a representative for Food for the Poor come and speak about his ministry. This organization provides water pumps, food, and housing for the poorest of the poor in the Caribbean and Latin America. According to the pamphlet, a donation of $2600 would build a house, $170 would provide a village with a water pump, and $21 would provide a meal for 420 children.

I can't help but think of these people when I read about the extravagances of the sickeningly rich. $4,500, which this Douglas-Davis diva spends on clothes each week, could almost build two houses for slum dwellers in Haiti. We're talking about sewage filled, trash strewn slums where people fight over garbage. They could have an escape.

How does that compute? I've been reading about what Jesus directed his followers to do, and one of his main messages was to advocate for and help the poor. What would he say about this woman? It almost brings me to tears to think of what this $43 million could really do.

So, we adopted a 2 month old pup, a red heeler, from the humane society. He's sleeping right now, but at 6:00 am he was up and wanted to play. We have some old ski poles downstairs that he likes to herd, and he loves to fetch his toy rope. After about 30 minutes of playing he conks out, but when he wakes up again his battery is recharged and it's wildness all over again.

He's had his first Parvovirus/ distemper vaccine, and he gets a booster next week. After that we can take him out walking on sidewalks; Parvo is deadly, and spread through feces, so we're going to hold off on the parks for a while. It's hard to exercise an active puppy when he has to stay inside, so I'm looking forward to being able to go out with him.

In other news, still looking for work, but I have some promising leads. Here's hoping . . .

Right now, I'm sitting in the UNC computer lab, and there are people complaining about their professor copying a 40 page reading sideways. There are also grumblings about him giving a quiz on a 22 page reading, and a girl's finger that gets tired as it flips through a long powerpoint.

This makes me think of two things: 1) How much we take things (like a chance at education) for granted, and 2) How do our educational standards compare to those of other countries?

As for the second point, I've read different accounts that say the US is falling behind in education, like this one: http://kapio.kcc.hawaii.edu/upload/fullnews.php?id=52 . An excerpt:

In both studies, Finland, Australia, Belgium, Austria, Hungary, Netherlands and the United Kingdom beat the United States, while the Asian nations of South Korea, Japan and Singapore ranked first through third, respectively.

Why is that? Is it because we're becoming too lax, or lazy? Is it because solid education just isn't as important as it used to be? I couldn't tell you, but I have to wonder if students in South Korea would be acting the way I just observed.

Sorry for the bitterness of the last post. Sometimes I feel like I have so much to offer, and I'm being forced to keep it all bottled up and stored away. I worry that it will get dusty or spoiled by age. On a good note, I have some interviews coming up, so I'm more hopeful.

We are looking at getting a dog; it's sooner than we expected but we both agree this is a good time. The humane society has the sweetest 2 month old red heeler, and he might soon be ours . . .

Sometimes I think my major was a joke. I've been turned down for job after job after job. After I graduated from CSU in May 2007 I applied for all the social work jobs I could find, and I interviewed for all that contacted me. Not one came through, and I ended up working at a bakery and coffee shop, serving wine and cheese to rich people.

One time an older guy came into the bakery and asked me if I was going to school, etc. I said I graduated with a social work degree. "Then what are you doing here?" People don't understand.

What makes the people who do get hired so much better than me?

At my last doctor's appointment, I was told that I'd be able to go back to work. I'm feeling really good, and almost at four weeks post-op, so I've been in job search mode. I've applied for some para jobs at District 6, and had an interview on Wednesday. I can't tell you how happy I would be if it came through for me.

I want to start running again. I tried to do a "trial" run around my garage, and I think I should wait another week or so. Exercise gives me a feeling I can't get anywhere else.

Andres and I have made a deal with each other: if we have a steady source of income, we can get a dog. I want one so bad, and although I hate waiting I know it's the responsible thing to do for now.

I'm getting the travel bug again, but I know that traveling requires 1) Money and 2) Well, mostly money. We don't have a lot of that to spend right now, but this is my list of places I want to go in the next four to five years:

India
China
Japan
Korea
Africa
South America
Egypt

It might sound ambitious, but it's my dream. We have some airline vouchers we got as a wedding present, and we might spend them on a trip to Texas in March.

I met with an adviser at UNC, and she told me exactly what I need to register for. Next year at this time, I'll be applying to grad school for speech language pathology. I don't feel so bad about having to put school off; I would have finished with the leveling program in May 2010 even if I had started this semester. Nevertheless, I'm going to take some summer classes to get a few out of the way.

Finally, I just have to say how wonderful it feels to be able to do things. So much of my spirit was taken away when I was ill and had to stay inside. I was surly towards Andres and depressed, but now I feel alive again. I hope I never take health for granted again.

I would really like to know what the executives of these companies receiving multimillion dollar bailouts are thinking when they buy $1,000 trash cans or $13,000 rugs for their private jets.

"I've worked hard, I deserve it."

"#$%* them all!"

"Suckers! HAHAHAHA!"

"What they don't know can't hurt them . . . "

"The kids get carsick in the Maserati. Best take the 747."

I'd really love to know.

The following is from an article by NY Times columnist Maureen Dowd.

Companies that have gotten bailouts continue to make a mockery of taxpayers.

Until it came to light Tuesday, Wells Fargo, which received $25 billion in federal funds, was blithely planning a series of “employee recognition outings” to Las Vegas luxury hotels this month.

As ABC reported, Bank of America took its $45 billion in bailout funds and sponsored a five-day carnival outside the Super Bowl stadium, and Morgan Stanley took its $10 billion in bailout money and held a three-day conference at the Breakers in Palm Beach. (Morgan Stanley had also still planned to send top employees to Monte Carlo and the Bahamas, events just canceled.)

The New York Post revealed that Sandy Weill, former chief executive of Citigroup, took a company jet to fly his family for a Christmas holiday to a $12,000-a-night luxury resort in San José del Cabo, Mexico. No matter that the company just got a $50 billion federal bailout and laid off 53,000 worldwide.

The interior of the 18-seat jet, as described by The Post, is posh, with a full bar, fine-wine selection, $13,000 carpets, Baccarat crystal glasses, Cristofle sterling silver flatware and — my personal favorite — pillows made from Hermès scarves.

Aux barricades!

An Ode

My attempt at poetry . . .

At the dawn of each day
Your brown eyes greet me
An outstanding symbol
Of pure, easy goodness

On the outside I'm pretty
But you've seen the other half
It doesn't scare you, you don't run away
We face it all together

I love you more everyday
And will always be there
Just as you've done for me
In both joy and despair.

4777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777

The above was from Miha, our kitty.

I had to go back to the doctor yesterday because my incision got infected. There was literally a tiny hole in my belly where it had opened up, so they gave me antibiotics and told me to clean it with hydrogen peroxide once daily. The bad thing about antibiotics? They kill good bacteria in your body too, including that in your intestine, so you can probably imagine what that means.

The doctor said I still have about six weeks of recovery time. That time can't go fast enough. There's so much I want to do and for now I have to stay cooped up. Sometimes I feel so useless I want to cry. I have filled-out job applications just lying around, and when I see the laundry piling up and the house getting progressively dirtier it drives me insane. I know it's not forever but six weeks has never seemed so long.

I went back to the doctor for a post-op appointment today, and he said I look really good for just a week out of surgery. They took out the staples holding the incision together, and he said it looks to be healing well. The thing was a dermoid cyst, and weighed less than a pound; somehow, though, I lost 6 pounds, probably just from not eating and drinking. The doctor said he sees 5-6 of these cysts a year, so I'm not such an anomaly I guess.

The best news? The tumor was benign! I think I always knew it was, but it helps to know for sure.

I can start closing the book on this saga. I need to wait about five weeks to feel totally "normal" again, but I should be able to have kids in the future and lead an otherwise normal life, huzzah!

This whole thing has really shown me how lucky I am; lucky to have access to medical care, lucky to have caring family and friends, lucky to have an amazing husband, lucky to have a place to recover at, even lucky to have my two cats who didn't leave my side when I was in pain all day. I need to start giving back more for everything I have.

I know today was the inauguration, but we don't have cable at our place so I'm somewhat behind. I saw the swearing in online, but I'll have to look a little further to find out more.

So, I'm back at home after having surgery on Wednesday. I spent all of Tuesday in bed with intense pain, and the painkillers weren't helping. I wasn't eating or drinking and felt like I was going to blackout whenever I stood up, so we went to the ER. They gave me medicine for the pain (which still didn't help) ran some tests, and admitted me to the hospital. Early the next morning I met with a surgeon (who I'm still hugely grateful for) and he did the surgery.

They removed a huge mass, as well as an ovary and another smaller cyst on the other ovary. The big one had twisted and was cutting off blood supply to the ovary, which was causing all the pain. I have about a 10 inch incision down my belly, and I have a follow up appointment on Tuesday. I actually feel a lot lot better than I have in a while, with little pain, and I'm just glad everything's gone well.

We're settled into our place, and I'm going to try to learn to crochet to keep myself busy. I'll look for a job or place to volunteer when I'm well so I don't go stir crazy.

So, I was scheduled for surgery on Tuesday, but my doctor is out of town and her flight is delayed. It's been rescheduled for Friday.

The tumor is "big and complex," and I will most likely lose an ovary. If it looks cancerous, they will have to do a hysterectomy. Again, that's very, very unlikely, but still a little freaky.

Dre and I have discussed adopting kids (not now, but in a few years), and if I was to have a hysterectomy it probably wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. However, I still am attached to the idea of having my own, and I think it would be hard to accept not being able to.

You know what makes me sick (besides an ovarian tumor)?

The salaries of health insurance company CEOs.

I'm SO glad my dollars are paid to make me feel better.

So I saw a doctor today, and she ordered some blood tests. One tests for indicators of cancer, and other checks kidney function. She told me that I will probably end up having surgery, since the mass is large and it is solid and fluid. She said this increases its chance of being malignant, but those are still a very small percentage. I see a gynecologist on Wednesday to find out more and maybe plan surgery.

It's freaky to think that you might have cancer. I've been looking online, and although it's rare it can happen. I should find out sometime this week about the blood work.

Tradition

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Live outside the US for four months

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't think I made any last year . . .

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No

4. Did anyone close to you die? No

5. What countries did you visit? Australia, New Zealand, Hungary, Czech Republic

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Credits towards a speech pathology degree . . .

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 8/9/08, our anniversary!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Probably planning our wedding and getting married

9. What was your biggest failure? I don't know . . . can't think of any right now.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Just the usual head cold stuff.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Air New Zealand tickets

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Dre's mom helped us out a lot.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The violence in Israel/ Gaza got me down.

14. Where did most of your money go? Food, rent, etc.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Our wedding, and NZ!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Probably the Andres song by Esteban Jordan, since we danced to it for our first dance.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? I'd say happier, maybe more stressed though

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Reading

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Stressing out about work

20. Did you fall in love in 2008? I fell even more in love . . .

21. What was your favorite TV program? The Office, Flashpoint

22. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn’t dislike this time last year? No . . .

23. What was the best book you read? The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? The didgeridoo, when we went to Australia, and Dre's mom's Arabic Groove/ Latin CDs

25. What did you want and get? Admission to UNC

26. What did you want and not get? A tarantula (but there's still hope)

27. What was your favorite film of this year? I didn't see too many . . . "The Namesake" I suppose.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23 in New Zealand, and Dre and I went out to the Frog and the Kiwi for seafood in Mangawhai Heads.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Ummm . . . our car not breaking down? I don't know.

30. What kept you sane? Dre, friends, family

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Barack Obama

32. Who did you miss? Family, friends when we were in NZ.

33. Who was the best new person you met? Our roommates in Christchurch were awesome.

34. A valuable life lesson you learned in 2008? Treasure everyday.

35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: From "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz:

But I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait
I'm yours 

So I had an ultrasound today. Apparently the cyst is 13x10x10 centimeters. I've heard that those over 5 cm. are removed surgically, and the ultrasound tech said that's usually the case. I'm following up with a doctor on Monday, and hopefully we can get a plan for what to do next. It is uncomfortable and sometimes painful, so I'll do whatever it takes to get back to normal.

In other news, Dre and I officially have a place to live, and we're getting our kitties back on Tuesday! I'm so so excited. Classes start at UNC on the 12th, and I've ordered all of my books. I've also been applying to jobs . . . anything that looks like it will fit my schedule is fair game.

We saw some friends before and on New Year's eve, and I was so happy to see them again . . . as much as I loved New Zealand, I did miss people back home. A friend of mine from preschool also visited with her mom; we met almost 20 years ago, and have kept in touch over the years. I always enjoy reconnecting with her.

So, life is good overall. Dre and I are planning on adopting a dog when it's financially viable, and I can't wait to go and pick one out. There are quite a few rescues around here, so we shouldn't have trouble finding the perfect pup . . .

So, in an exciting turn of events, I learned today that I have a 12 centimeter ovarian cyst on my right side.

Dre and I got home from a New Year's eve party last night at about 3 am, and went to bed around 6 am. I had a little pain then and couldn't fall asleep, but eventually I nodded off. I woke up again in the afternoon and still had some pain . . . it felt like I was getting the stomach flu so I fell back asleep. I woke up at 6 pm, got up for some tea, and the pain was much, much worse.

Thinking I had appendicitis, we went to an urgent care, which then referred me to the ER. My symptoms were consistent with appendicitis, and I was expecting to be wheeled into surgery. However, after a CAT scan they revealed the real culprit.

I'm having an ultrasound tomorrow, and then will have to follow up with a gynocologist. I don't know if it can be aspirated, or if I have to have surgery. Good start to 2009, eh?