Kannst du mir helfen?

So, I'm trying to translate a poem, and this line has stumped me:

Alten Tanten
und Wickelkindern rollt die Zähre
ins Taschentuch ob dieser Märe.

I think it means (quite literally): Old aunts and swaddled babies roll their teardrops in purses, if this story [is true?].

This is the whole poem, for the sake of context:

Weihnachten
Erich Mühsam (1878-1934)

Nun ist das Fest der Weihenacht,
das Fest, das alle glücklich macht,
wo sich mit reichen Festgeschenken
Mann, Weib und Greis und Kind bedenken,
wo aller Hader wird vergeßen
beim Christbaum und beim Karpfeneßen; --
und Groß und Klein und Arm und Reich, --
an diesem Tag ist alles gleich.
So steht's in vielerlei Varianten
in deutschen Blättern. Alten Tanten
und Wickelkindern rollt die Zähre
ins Taschentuch ob dieser Märe.
Papa liest's der Familie vor,
und alle lauschen und sind Ohr ...
Ich sah, wie so ein Zeitungsblatt
ein armer Kerl gelesen hat.
Er hob es auf aus einer Pfütze,
daß es ihm hinterm Zaune nütze.

Savannah cats!

For Christmas, maybe?

http://www.a1savannahs.com/savannahs.htm

The Beatles- "In My Life"

There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never ever lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Have I ever mentioned how I love, love, love snow? It's one of the most beautiful things ever.

Today a teacher brought his dog's puppies to school, in an effort to give them away. There were four Rhodesian Ridgeback/ Black Lab pups in the bed of his truck, all 6 weeks old, and if I was less sensible I would have taken one home in an instant. After New Zealand, Andres and I will get a pup for sure. I have always loved Australian Cattle Dogs, but I'm open to anything . . .

My uncle died over a year ago, on December 2, 2006. That was such a bad time for so many reasons. I'm just grateful to be where I am now.

Andres' mom loaned me The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, by Anne Fadiman. It's about a Hmong child with epilepsy, and the culture collision that occurred when her parents sought treatment at a California hospital. So far, it's captivating. The author says about herself in the preface:

"I have always felt that the action most worth watching it not at the center of things but where edges meet. I like shorelines, weather fronts, international borders. There are interesting frictions and incongruities in these places, and often, if you stand at the point of tangency, you can see both sides better than if you were in the middle of either one."

I like that perspective.

Jack Johnson- "Better Together"

There’s no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart and our dreams
And they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-tone lovin’
Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? and where do we go? and how come it's so hard?
It’s not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I’ll tell you one thing
It’s always better when we're together

Mmmm it’s always better when we’re together
Yeah, we’ll look at them stars and we’re together
Well, it’s always better when we’re together
Yeah, it’s always better when we’re together

And all of these moments just might find
Their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they’ll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things
For tomorrow night you see that they’ll be gone too
Too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I’d be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you
Not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be
We’ll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it’s always better when we’re together
Mmmm we’re somewhere in between together
Well, it’s always better when we’re together
Yeah, it’s always better when we’re together
Mmmm mmmm mmmmmmmmm

I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now and, and when I wake up
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We’re Better together

Worth quoting

Smile
Like you've got nothing to prove
No matter what you might do
There's always someone out there cooler than you.

-Ben Folds

Wow, it's almost the end of 2007. Andres is on break, and I have one more day of work before I am too. I'm going down to Denver to see his family on Wednesday, and on Thursday I'll make my way down to Springs for Thanksgiving.

I've decided for sure that I'm going to sell my car. A part of me was hesitant to give it up because of it's uniqueness and overall difference from the mainstream, but the time has come. Andres and I really only need one car, and in a worst case scenario, I'm only about a 15 minute walk from work. Besides, the money from Sven will help with costs for New Zealand and the like. So, if you know anyone who is interested in a black 1992 Subaru SVX, ring me.

Hmm . . . what else . . . so, for a while, I've thought it would be cool to have a tarantula. I've heard they require a lot of care, though, and that's been a deterrent. Andres isn't a big proponent of the idea, and given that we're planning on leaving the country in less than a year, this isn't an ideal time to invest in new pet ventures.

Now, I need input from you, my loyal readers: What is your opinion of the fuzzy arachnid?

Cheers, and Happy Thanksgiving!

A new para started today working with the students at my school. As it turns out, he went to the same elementary, middle, and high schools as I did. He graduated from Palmer in 2000, four years before me. Crazy world.

I signed up for benefits today through the school district. I went to the benefits meeting yesterday to learn what I'm eligible for, and it feels good to have a job where that area is covered. I really am happy in my job. No day is the same, and I'm learning so much just being in a classroom. My student gives me challenges sometimes, but that's what I need.

Andres is great. We have an appointment tomorrow to set a date with the church for next summer. Sometimes we'll just lay awake in the dark and talk to each other, and those are some of the most peaceful moments I've ever had . . . it feels purely good.

Can YOU pass eighth grade science?

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

So, two weeks ago, Andres officially asked me to marry him outside of the Starbuck's where we had our first date (kind of) in January. Without a moment's hesitation, I said yes, and shortly thereafter both of our families were sending out the news. We're setting the date for summer 2008, and the plan is to go to New Zealand for a year after we're married.

We got the ring last weekend, and unknown to me had made a cat tag that said "Will you marry me?" On Tuesday, he had a friend of ours come into our apartment and put the tag on Boxer while we were out. When we got home, he got down on one knee and showed Boxercat to me . . . again, I said "yes."

For those of you who don't know, we met almost two years ago in a travel agency. I was buying a pass for my study abroad trip to Germany, and he was looking at options for a trip to Europe. We later made the connection at a mutual friend's house, and we were just casual friends until almost a year ago. It just feels right to take this next step, and I want him to be the only one I love for the rest of my life. Andres is so good and loving to me, and I know we'll support and be there for each other. I couldn't be luckier :)

"Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life." - Leo Buscaglia

This weekend was one of the most eventful I've had in a while. On Friday and Saturday, I had a retreat for a class I'm taking at St. Joe's. It's called JustFaith, and it centers primarily around achieving social justice, compassion, and the role of the church. I think that's what has always drawn me to Catholicism (other than the fact that I was raised with it): we're all called to do good, and love.

One of my social work professors said once that we are never to put ourselves above any client, because if our circumstances were just a little different, our roles could be completely reversed. It's so true, isn't it?

On Saturday night, Dre and I went to a masquerade ball. I dressed up as a butterfly, and he was a Black Widow spider. We learned how to waltz, and had lots of cheese and crackers to eat, so it made for a good time.

My birthday present to myself was to see "The Marriage of Bette and Boo" with Dre on Sunday. It was about a family's ups and downs (mostly downs) surrounding alcoholism, kids, marriages and gravy on the rug. Overall, I thought it was well done, and it felt good to see a play again.

So, Dre and I have decided that our destination in nine months is New Zealand. We want to spend up to a year there, working and traveling. We met with a friend of ours last week, and he gave us a lot of good info. We're thinking our "base" would be Christchurch, but that is TBA . . .

I'm in such a different place than I was a year ago, and it's good. I'm happy :)

I'm beginning to realize and accept that a component of my personality is, undeniably, introverted. Be it genes, childhood environment, parenting style, I don't know, but let it be said that I'm one of the quieter ones in any social situation.

I'm writing this because I don't want people to think that if I don't call them a lot to hang out or what not, it's not because I don't like them or don't want to see them. My friends are important to me, and I want to nurture relationships, but, quite simply, I really need to coach myself when it comes to reaching out. It might sound trite, or like a cop out, but that's the best way I can explain it.

Anyway, I had a training yesterday for my job. It was presented by a behavior analyst who has done extensive research about managing problem behaviors in kids with autism and other developmental disabilities. In one of the videos, a kid starts hitting a teacher because she simply turns away from him and goes to pick up something about 6 ft. away. The autistic mind is something that I'm still becoming familiar with, but everything in time. It truly does take skill in working with these kids, much of which you just get from experience, but I feel like I'm learning more and performing better each day.

Today was my first day at my new job, and it went great. I'm working with an autistic student, helping her to manage behaviors and get a grasp on some curriculum. There's still a lot for me to learn, but my first impression is that it's going to be a perfect fit for me.

I'm turning 22 on Wednesday. Allie and I are going home this weekend for my bday . . . and because I think my parents get lonely for us kids when we've been away for more than a few months. Shall be a good visit.

I got a new job!

I'm going to be working for the school district as a para with an autistic student, providing one-on-one support. The teacher and principal seem really supportive and open to questions, so good vibes there. I almost wanted to cry when the principal called and offered me the job, I was so glad. She said that they were impressed by me, so I hope I can live up to their expectations. My last day at Olive Street is tomorrow, and my two weeks is already up at Genoa. I start working with the student on Monday, and I could not be happier. Special ed is where I want to eventually head in my career, so this will be valuable experience.

I need to start working out again. It's been about two months since I wandered from my regular exercise routine, but it would feel good to get back riding the bike/ running. My new work schedule will make it easier to do that, huzzah!

Early Head Start "went with another applicant." I have an interview on Monday for the para job, and I will hopefully have another one soon with Poudre to be a tutor there. The woman in the latter job said she wanted to talk to me about it, so here goes.

If none of these work out, I will be disappointed beyond words. Is there something wrong with me? What makes the people who do get the jobs so much better? I'm smart, I'm skilled, and all I need is a chance to prove it and build on previous experience. What am I doing wrong?

I don't like being treated like an idiot. Sometimes that's the impression I get from people in the jobs I'm in now, and I need a change. You can call me shy, you can call me fat, you can call me ugly, but don't DARE call me stupid, I don't care who you are.

We're officially in the season of autumn, and it makes me so, so happy. I love being in the middle of nature's transition, with colored leaves being scattered by the wind and the morning and night air becoming cooler. It always has seemed romantic to me, perhaps because it's reminiscent of walks in the park you see in movies.

I got a rejection letter from Harmony House two days after I interviewed there. I had an interview on Friday to work with the Early Head Start program through the school district, and I got a call two days before asking if I was interested in a para position in special ed at a junior high. I also submitted an application to be a tutor at Poudre, so now, like so many times before, I'm playing the waiting game.

After Harmony House shot me down, I was having a somewhat bad couple of days. Andres came in to see me at work, and brought me two string cheeses (a favorite of both of us) and a little pumpkin. It's through big and little gestures and words that I know he truly cares about me, and whatever I end up doing in the future, I want him to be a part of it.

I want something different, and of all places, Dre and I are looking into New Zealand. The Peace Corps was something I didn't want bad enough, for a variety of reasons, but this has just really struck a chord with me. I've heard that it's relatively easy to get a work permit in NZ, and we know someone who has spent some time down there who has offered to help us figure things out. Needless to say, it's a process, but so far it seems entirely feasible after saving up some more money and taking care of miscellaneous matters here.

My dad's doing relatively well. He lost his job in July due to the closing of his service center, but he's revamping his resume and looking for a new fit. His surgery went off without a hitch, and he was relieved of the pain almost immediately . . . so all in all, good news.

I had an interview this morning for Harmony House. She started out by telling me about the house, and then asked me one question: "So tell me about yourself." I said that I had just graduated with my BSW, and have been looking to get some experience. I asked her a few questions, she answered them and threw in some additional info, and in 30 minutes the interview was over. It seemed like she already had someone picked out; otherwise, wouldn't she have spent more time with me? Whatever. I've got an interview within the next week with the school district, and I'm turning in an application, resume and cover letter tomorrow for another district job. I need this . . .

I threw Dre a surprise party on Saturday. I'm not the most sly person, but he was still surprised, and everyone seemed to have a good time. About 20 people came, and it was so great to be able to see everyone at once (thanks to you all, by the way). His mom made him a scrapbook with pictures of her pregnant up to his high school graduation; so, so perfect for his 25th. We went out to the bars afterwards, and ended up at the Crown Pub with a few people at the end of the night. We just talked, and that's the kind of bar experience I prefer. Bars have always struck me as so impersonal, and everyone seems so unreal, but it wasn't so much this time. So, all in all, a fun night for all.

Anyway, I'm going to go watch The Office and drink chai.

So I have an interview on Tuesday to be a case manager for Harmony House (http://www.fortnet.org/CASA/about/aboutHarmony.htm). I need a change in the employment sector of my life, and this would be moving in the right direction.

I've also been pursuing a job with the school district; it would be working with families in the Early Head Start program at the building where I interned. I'm already familiar with the center and some of its clients . . . it would be so, so good if I could get hired for the position.

It would be nice to have nights and weekends off, just to spend time with Dre and follow some other interests of mine. I would really like to take a Spanish class, and do some volunteering at some agencies around Fort Collins.

So, Dre and I have a new idea for what may be coming for us next year. It would involve working abroad. We've yet to work out the details, but it seems viable, and this might be the perfect chance to do it.

My aunt sent me an article that she's reading titled "Happiness Revisited." It's about how we create our own happiness through struggling for something we really want, and interpreting and managing our own personal experiences. It's an enlightening article, hence the renaming of my blog.

I've also been listening to more Jack Johnson, and I like what I hear, hence the subtitle.

I'm going home on Friday to see my dad; he's having a surgery to remove a cyst in his cervical spine. Apparently the surgeon has done only one surgery like it in his 25 year career, since the forming of cysts in the neck area is very rare. It seems like a complex surgery, so I will be glad to be home with my Old Man when he gets out of the hospital.

I'm going to fill out a job app for the Poudre School District and turn it in tomorrow . . . hoping something will come of it . . .