Early Head Start "went with another applicant." I have an interview on Monday for the para job, and I will hopefully have another one soon with Poudre to be a tutor there. The woman in the latter job said she wanted to talk to me about it, so here goes.

If none of these work out, I will be disappointed beyond words. Is there something wrong with me? What makes the people who do get the jobs so much better? I'm smart, I'm skilled, and all I need is a chance to prove it and build on previous experience. What am I doing wrong?

I don't like being treated like an idiot. Sometimes that's the impression I get from people in the jobs I'm in now, and I need a change. You can call me shy, you can call me fat, you can call me ugly, but don't DARE call me stupid, I don't care who you are.

We're officially in the season of autumn, and it makes me so, so happy. I love being in the middle of nature's transition, with colored leaves being scattered by the wind and the morning and night air becoming cooler. It always has seemed romantic to me, perhaps because it's reminiscent of walks in the park you see in movies.

I got a rejection letter from Harmony House two days after I interviewed there. I had an interview on Friday to work with the Early Head Start program through the school district, and I got a call two days before asking if I was interested in a para position in special ed at a junior high. I also submitted an application to be a tutor at Poudre, so now, like so many times before, I'm playing the waiting game.

After Harmony House shot me down, I was having a somewhat bad couple of days. Andres came in to see me at work, and brought me two string cheeses (a favorite of both of us) and a little pumpkin. It's through big and little gestures and words that I know he truly cares about me, and whatever I end up doing in the future, I want him to be a part of it.

I want something different, and of all places, Dre and I are looking into New Zealand. The Peace Corps was something I didn't want bad enough, for a variety of reasons, but this has just really struck a chord with me. I've heard that it's relatively easy to get a work permit in NZ, and we know someone who has spent some time down there who has offered to help us figure things out. Needless to say, it's a process, but so far it seems entirely feasible after saving up some more money and taking care of miscellaneous matters here.

My dad's doing relatively well. He lost his job in July due to the closing of his service center, but he's revamping his resume and looking for a new fit. His surgery went off without a hitch, and he was relieved of the pain almost immediately . . . so all in all, good news.

I had an interview this morning for Harmony House. She started out by telling me about the house, and then asked me one question: "So tell me about yourself." I said that I had just graduated with my BSW, and have been looking to get some experience. I asked her a few questions, she answered them and threw in some additional info, and in 30 minutes the interview was over. It seemed like she already had someone picked out; otherwise, wouldn't she have spent more time with me? Whatever. I've got an interview within the next week with the school district, and I'm turning in an application, resume and cover letter tomorrow for another district job. I need this . . .

I threw Dre a surprise party on Saturday. I'm not the most sly person, but he was still surprised, and everyone seemed to have a good time. About 20 people came, and it was so great to be able to see everyone at once (thanks to you all, by the way). His mom made him a scrapbook with pictures of her pregnant up to his high school graduation; so, so perfect for his 25th. We went out to the bars afterwards, and ended up at the Crown Pub with a few people at the end of the night. We just talked, and that's the kind of bar experience I prefer. Bars have always struck me as so impersonal, and everyone seems so unreal, but it wasn't so much this time. So, all in all, a fun night for all.

Anyway, I'm going to go watch The Office and drink chai.

So I have an interview on Tuesday to be a case manager for Harmony House (http://www.fortnet.org/CASA/about/aboutHarmony.htm). I need a change in the employment sector of my life, and this would be moving in the right direction.

I've also been pursuing a job with the school district; it would be working with families in the Early Head Start program at the building where I interned. I'm already familiar with the center and some of its clients . . . it would be so, so good if I could get hired for the position.

It would be nice to have nights and weekends off, just to spend time with Dre and follow some other interests of mine. I would really like to take a Spanish class, and do some volunteering at some agencies around Fort Collins.

So, Dre and I have a new idea for what may be coming for us next year. It would involve working abroad. We've yet to work out the details, but it seems viable, and this might be the perfect chance to do it.

My aunt sent me an article that she's reading titled "Happiness Revisited." It's about how we create our own happiness through struggling for something we really want, and interpreting and managing our own personal experiences. It's an enlightening article, hence the renaming of my blog.

I've also been listening to more Jack Johnson, and I like what I hear, hence the subtitle.

I'm going home on Friday to see my dad; he's having a surgery to remove a cyst in his cervical spine. Apparently the surgeon has done only one surgery like it in his 25 year career, since the forming of cysts in the neck area is very rare. It seems like a complex surgery, so I will be glad to be home with my Old Man when he gets out of the hospital.

I'm going to fill out a job app for the Poudre School District and turn it in tomorrow . . . hoping something will come of it . . .